Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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