Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
