Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
