On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
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