I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
