Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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