He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
