You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
