so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
