As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
