2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
