Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I supernannyed him into submission
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
