Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
