i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
