Do you still have your period?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
