I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
