all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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