I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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