Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
barbara walters just said penis...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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