I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
