the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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