let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
