Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
