i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
