So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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