This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
