Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
