Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
