I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
