I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
