At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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