the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think your dad took our porno
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
