there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
