I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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