White coat. Heels.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
did i just pee glitter
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
