I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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