I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
