I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
