I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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