she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
