he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
