I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
