I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
