I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
