If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
