it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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