your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
