6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
