I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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