FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
