Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
