I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
