All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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