You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
