she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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