He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
